Transmeta, the company formerly known as super-secretive, has finally taken the wraps off its revolutionary Crusoe processor. Stung by the underwhelmed reaction of press and industry analysts to the Crusoe and its revolutionary "code-morphing" technology, Transmeta has granted dinotrac an exclusive interview with Mr. X. Mr. X is a public relations specialist for Transmeta's Research & Development group.

dinotrac:		Good Morning, Mr. X. Before we get too far, I'm curious about something. If Transmeta really is coming out into the open, why won't you give us your real name?
X:		I'd really like to do that, dino, really would. Darn it, I will! Tell you what, I'll call you with the information as soon as I can get back to the office and check my personnel file.
dinotrac:		Wait a minute. Are you trying to tell me that you don't know your own name?
X:		C'mon, dino, try to understand. I've been working at Transmeta since it was founded. Everything I've done for the last 5 years has been top secret. My family and I have kept so many secrets for so long that we've pretty much forgotten everything about ourselves. It's a real pain when we're doing Christmas cards!
dinotrac:		I can imagine. It must have been really tough living with all that secrecy.
X:		It wasn't that bad for me, especially when signing my signature. X marks the spot, baby! On the other hand, it was real tough on my kids: a, b, c and d.
dinotrac:		I'm sure therapy will help. So, tell me about this Bermuda Vibraphone thingy of yours.
X:		That's ViTransMetaVegemin.
dinotrac:		ViTransMetaVegemin. Boy, that name sure does sound familiar.
X(annoyed):		Look, we love Lucy, OK?
dinotrac:		We all love her, Mr. X. So, what's so special about this ViTransMetavegemin of yours?
X:		Well, this one's just a prototype, but it demonstrates the next logical step in our code-morphing technology. To be honest, we weren't going to make it public, but the Crusoe announcement didn't generate nearly the buzz we expected. Once we realized that an analyst can't put two and two together without a spreadsheet, we decided to go public with the ViTransMetavegemin.
dinotrac:		Wow, that really is a completely different approach for Transmeta. Is that why you're hyperventilating?
X:		Yes, absolutely.
dinotrac:		Could you tell our readers a little bit about the ViTransMetavegemin's new features?
X:		I'd love to. First, it features our next-generation code-morphing. You know that our first-generation technology used a combination of hardware and software to "morph" x86 instructions into the Crusoe's native VLIW (Very Long Instruction Word) instructions. You have to understand that nothing limits morphing to x86 instructions, or even to morphing for one processor at a time. We moved down to .12 micron technology, quadrupled the translated instruction cache and sprinkled on a little magic software dust. The new Crusoe will be able to morph into any one of 18 different hardware architectures and translate ancient Mayan pictographs as well. Imagine VMWARE that can switch between completely different hardware platforms and run at microcode speed.
dinotrac:		Wow! That's unbelievable! Should I infer that it will run all the major OS's?
X:		Absolutely, though we got a little lucky with Linux. Early versions wouldn't run it. Then Linux starts taking off in a big way and we start getting a lot of heat. Fortunately, we found out that a few people on our staff had used it. They helped the engineers get everything hammered out.
dinotrac:		That's great. This thing sounds pretty revolutionary.
X:		Absolutely! But you ain't heard nuthin' yet. If you bothered to read our white paper, you would know that the Crusoe is able to learn. It gets faster as you continue to run code. We've taken that concept and moved a whole generation ahead. The next Crusoe can analyze the code its running and completely re-write it for better efficiency. There's no such thing as a bloated or slow application when you've got a ViTransMetavegemin. We call it the dynamic adaptive morphing nexus, or DAMN.
dinotrac:		No one's ever going to believe this!!
X:		You'd be surprised what people will believe.. As it turns out, though, the adaptive morphing was too good for it's own good.
dinotrac:		How can that be?
X:		Every time we tried to run a Microsoft program, it would bury the CPU trying to optimize the code. A thankless task, really. Not only did you have to wait minutes, even hours, to use your program, but the Crusoe always changed the program's version number. Even when it didn't tack "beta" to the end, it changed the version to an odd-numbered point release.
dinotrac:		Very strange.
X:		Yes. Eventually we sat down with the Crusoe and had a little heart-to-heart. Once it realized that we wouldn't blame it for the way Microsoft programs run, things got much better. We still have that version number problem, but everything else is fine.
dinotrac:		I'll bet you're relieved.
X:		Very much, although we have backed off of some marketing plans. We were going to promote the code evolution technology under the 'Darwin' name, but thought better of it.
dinotrac:		Because of Apple's Darwin?
X:		No, but that would be a good reason,too. We just want to sell to Kansas public schools.
dinotrac:		Makes sense. Anything else interesting?
X:		You bet! As you know, the Crusoe has extraordinarily low power requirements. The ViTransMetavegemin doesn't use a battery at all. Instead, it uses a tiny alcohol powered fuel cell. You can run two full weeks on a single teaspoon of alcohol. Gotta be careful, though. I gave it a little too much one day and it got drunk. Fool thing morphed into a Commodore 64 and spent two days playing Frogger.
dinotrac:		Well, I must admit that the screen saver is very nice. Can we put this baby through it's paces?
X:		Unfortunately, no. I fell asleep early last night with the TV on C-SPAN. After a night of listening to taped re-plays of presidential debates, speeches and analysis the VITransMetavegemin got intrigued and morphed itself into a politician. (Shakes head). It now absolutely refuses to do anything useful.

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